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Facebook Announces Name Change, Leaves Nation in State of Confusion


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The evil owner of Facebook has announced that his damaging, greedy, democracy-crippling company will no longer be known as Facebook.

Prepare yourselves, users, for… Meta.




“We are a company that builds technology to connect,” Mark Zuckerberg said on Thursday at a company-wide event.

“Together, we can finally put people at the center of our technology. And together, we can unlock a massively bigger creator economy. To reflect who we are and what we hope to build.

Zuckerberg said the name Facebook doesn’t fully encompass everything the company does these days, and is still closely linked to just one product.

“But over time, I hope we are seen as a metaverse company,” he added.

fb logo

At the moment, Facebook is pretty much known as simply the worst company on the planet.

Over the last week, various outlets have reported on what’s become known as The Facebook Papers, a document trove leaked by Facebook employee-turned-whistleblower Frances Haugen.

These documents have revealed how Facebook ignored and/or downplayed internal warnings of the negative and often harmful consequences its algorithms wreaked across the globe.

There’s now evidence, for example, that the platform has contributed (in purposeful fashion) to unproven questions about the COVID-19 vaccine, along with a number of other dangerous conspiracies.

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To be clear:

Facebook the app… along with Instagram, WhatsApp and Messenger… are here to stay; none will be changing their names.

The company’s corporate structure also won’t change.

However, on December 1, its shares will start trading under a new ticker symbol, “MVRS.”

“Today we’re seen as a social media company,” Zuckerberg continued this afternoon.

“But in our DNA, we are a company that builds technology to connect people. And the metaverse is the next frontier just like social networking was when we got started.”

Zuckerberg, who claimed he loved studying classics in school, said the name was inspired by the Greek word meta, which means “beyond.”

“For me, it symbolizes that there is always more to build.”

facebook users

This very lame rebranding is clearly part of an effort to overhaul Facebook’s reputation and turn the page following a multitude of PR nightmare —  including misinformation on its platforms, content moderation failures and revelations about the negative effect its products have on some users’ mental health.

The platform sucks.

The world would be a better place without it.

No matter what Zuckerberg wants to call his multi-billion dollar brainchild.

more zuck stuff

“I know that some people will say that this isn’t a time to focus on the future, and I want to acknowledge that there are important issues to work on in the present.

“There always will be,” Zuckerberg said, coming at least somewhat close to citing the ongoing coverage of his company.

“So for many people, I’m just not sure there ever will be a good time to focus on the future. But I also know that there are a lot of you who feel the same way that I do.”

“We live for what we’re building. And while we make mistakes, we keep learning and building and moving forward.”

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Bellie Brown
Bellie Brown
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