Were Angelina Pivarnick and Chris Larangeira ever happy in their marriage?
If so, we never saw it.
In fact, from the moment these two said “I do,” it’s been non-stop drama.
Really, the only silver lining for the Larangeiras is that they were able to deliver some compelling storylines for Jersey Shore viewers.
Chris and Angelina’s wedding featured one explosive scene after another, and it’s been all downhill ever since.
The current season of Shore has continued the trend, as Pivarnick and Larangeira seem to inch closer to divorce every week.
At this point, just about any activity the housemates engage in turns into a grim discussion about the state of Angelina’s crappy marriage.
Take last night’s visit with a pet psychic, for instance.
Angelina’s situation is so dark that the conversation quickly turned from Deena’s vitamin D deficiency to the fact that Chris is such a bastard that the family dog, Peanut, doesn’t even like the guy.
“You and hubby are having real turbulent issues,” the
grifter psychic told Angelina, adding that Peanut “really doesn’t like Chris.”
From there, the psychic got into the question of Chris’ infidelity, apparently receiving her knowledge from Peanut, who knows all.
“Did he sleep with her?” Angelina inquired of Chris’ latest dalliance.
“Let’s just say, short of that,” the psychic answered.
This upset Angelina for multiple reasons, not the least of which was the fact that she had just assumed Chris was asexual.
“I literally can get undressed right in front of him, he don’t even look at me. Is he talking to other women right now?” she asked the psychic.
“Come on, Angelina, you’re not that naive,” the woman responded.
Pivarnick, having apparently missed important parts of the precious exchange, thn asked the psychic whan Larangeira is “doing for f—ing sex.”
“I just told you!” the woman responded.
“Hearing that Chris is stepping out of the marriage is beyond hurtful to me,” Pivarnick said in a confessional segment.
“Is it true? Is it not true? I don’t know.”
We can understand Angelina’s confusion.
But if she would only look to her dog for guidance on her marriage, than the situation would immediately become clear.
“What is it going to take for you to wake up? Poor Peanut. She knows everything,” the psychic insisted.
“She watches everything in this house. She is your real life angel. Peanut is ready to go,” she continued, really getting worked up now.
“You’re not staying here, you’re actually going to go to a bigger house without him. But there’s somebody waiting. I see him and I see you’ve met him already.”
Obviously, at that point, Angelina started fantasizing about Vinny Guadagnino, but before she can move on with her true love, she has to kick Chris to the curb!
Maybe that’s why the psychic started roasting the guy within an inch of his life.
“He doesn’t eat properly. He eats junk food all the time. He eats like a 6 year old. Your mother’s not so keen on him,” the woman ranted.
“Why would you want to be with a man who’s with all these other people? He’s also a narcissist.”
“But you have to make a decision: Am I worthy enough to move on?” the woman then asked.
“Or am I going to stay in this unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship and poor Peanut here is going to be subject to the crap.”
The reading left Angelina very upset, and not only because she’s reached a point in her life where she’s receiving advice from dog psychics.
“This is like a nightmare for me. I don’t know what to do at this point,” Pivarnick said.
“Hearing from the pet psychic such bad news, I have a lot of f—ing things to think about. Where do I go from here?”
Fortunately, Deena was there to put things in perspective:
“How can Angelina leave Chris by talking to a lady that’s talking to a dog?” she asked.
Is Chris cheating? Quite possibly.
Should Angelina end her marriage based on the advice of a woman who claims she can read dogs’ minds?
Well, hopefully you don’t need a psychic to answer that question.